Two Wrongs Do Not Make a Right*

Two wrongs do not make a right. It is an incredibly difficult thing to grasp… I grapple with it every single day. So, let’s make a list of “wrongs” and a list of “rights,” generally speaking of course.

Rights:

• Being honest
  
  
• Being kind
  
  
• Communicating
  
  
• Listening
  
  
• Being understanding
  
  
• Being considerate
  
  
• Being apologetic
  
  
• Being appreciative
  
  
• Being thoughtful
  
  
• Being compassionate
  
  
• Being sensitive to others' feelings
  
  
• Complimenting
  
  
• Not being judgmental
  
  
• Putting your own self-interest BEHIND others
  
  

Wrongs:

• Lying
  
  
• Stealing
  
  
• Manipulating
  
  
• Cheating
  
  
• Ignoring someone
  
  
• Being inconsiderate
  
  
• Not listening
  
  
• Screaming and yelling
  
  
• Not being appreciative
  
  
• Not being compassionate
  
  
• Making fun of someone
  
  
• Calling someone names
  
  
• Teasing
  
  
• Ridiculing
  
  
• Being insensitive to others' feelings
  
  
• Attacking someone
  
  
• Being judgmental
  
  
• Putting your own self-interest BEFORE others

Therefore, thinking about the above lists, let’s question some different scenarios. Let’s try to think about being wonderful people without allowing ourselves to be “doormats.” This is a huge challenge!

• Let’s say… you are given a gift that you suspect was not thoughtful, is it necessary that you are appreciative? YES. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

o They did go to the store, purchased something with their money, wrapped it up and gave it to you (at least in many instances.) So there was some thought behind it. Did they think about what you would like? Did they think about if you could use it? Did they bother to think about your life and how it could help you? Did they think about anything other than the fact that they were expected to buy a gift and bought one? Did they buy this gift out of spite?

If the thoughtfulness of their gift is in question, it would be more helpful if you questioned their motivation, “why did you choose to give me this gift?” They may have a thoughtful answer and you may have been all wrong. But, it is much better to question the motivation rather than wonder about it. Usually the question is all it takes to have someone consider their actions… nothing more needs to be said. And obviously your “thank you” certainly does not have to be whole-hearted.

• Let’s say… someone was very inconsiderate. They were 2 hours late and didn’t even bother calling and you were worried. Does that give you the right to call them a bunch of names and scream and yell? NO. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

o It is very difficult not to get upset and angry when your feelings are not taken into consideration but “freaking out” does not help matters. Explaining your point of view does. Explain that it really hurt your feelings that they did not take your point of view into consideration. There is always hurt behind anger.

• Let’s say your friend got really upset and screamed and yelled at you. Does that give you the right to ignore them? NO. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

o Remember, there is always hurt behind anger. Ignoring someone just causes more hurt. It does not help. Obviously you might need to take a breather and think about why your friend is so upset and if you are still unable to figure it out. Ask. “I really don’t understand why you are so upset with me, could you please explain it to me?”

• Let’s say you know “two wrongs don’t make a right” and no matter how much you try to apologize or communicate with your friend, they just continue ignoring you. Should you keep trying? For how long should you keep trying? I’m not sure. I just keep trying. I’m really not one to “give up.”

Writing this article really helped me and I hope it helped you. If we can get a grasp on our own behavior, what a beautiful world it would be. But, unfortunately, as it stands now, it seems to me the “wrongs” are outweighing the “rights.”

If you have any questions or comments about this article, please e-mail me at beth@empathylessons.com.

- December 3, 2008

* The original article was entitled, "Two Wrongs Never Make A Right," however my husband has taken issue with my use of the words "always" and "never" on several occasions. Therefore, since I'm working on my listening skills, I have changed the title out of respect for him.

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