How Can We Increase Our Self-Esteem?

How can you increase your self-esteem? Self-esteem is defined as “a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself; self-respect.” So, what can you do to raise your self-esteem? The answer is quite simple. In order to increase your self-esteem, treat others with respect and do not tolerate people disrespecting you. Treat people well.

So, what is treating people well? There are many things that you can do to treat people well. Listen to them and try and understand them, be honest with them, be considerate of them, be kind and courteous to them, care about them and show concern for them. If you practice these things on a daily basis with the people that come through your life, your self-esteem will grow. Your life will become more fulfilled and you will feel like you have more purpose and that you are more important than you ever realized.

Often times it seems that people confuse arrogance with self-esteem. Many seem to think that the journey to self-esteem is not to treat people well but to convince yourself that you are better than them or that you are smarter and more cunning than them. This will only lead to an over-inflated ego and will never provide you with any meaningful fulfillment.

Looking around today, it appears to me that lots of people are suffering from low self-esteem. We have a high divorce rate. We have many individuals and institutions that do not show integrity in their business dealings. We have teenage mothers abandoning or disposing of their babies. We have brutal attacks from both sides of our political parties., etc., etc. Is our whole country lacking self-esteem?

I think in order to save our economy and save our country’s future, all of us really need to start working very hard at increasing our self-esteem. The first step to solving a problem, is to admit that we have one.

So, as you go through your life trying to treat people well how do you handle it when you feel like you have been disrespected? This is really the most difficult thing to get a handle on… how we deal with that. When we are disrespected our emotions start kicking in…. we can feel anything from mild irritation to extreme anger. And of course your feelings are valid. You should feel something when you have been disrespected. But unfortunately, lashing out and being disrespectful right back does not help your self-esteem.

This is where our communication skills become very useful. If you find yourself in a situation where someone has been ignoring you and not listening, been dishonest with you, been inconsiderate of you, been unkind or discourteous to you, or has shown a callous disregard or concern for you, what can you do? You can calmly try to explain your point of view and tell them that you will not tolerate this behavior.

Now of course nobody is perfect and we certainly cannot be completely available to everyone all the time, so some understanding is necessary. However, if you find that a particular person is consistently disrespecting you. It’s time to speak up and be heard! Unfortunately though that is all you can do and you cannot MAKE them treat you with respect. So, realize what you can control and what you cannot. You can only be in control of yourself.

If you have questions or comments about this article, please email me at beth@empathylessons.com. I love to hear your feedback!

- Elizabeth Fink, February 28, 2009