The Importance of Honesty in our Quest for Empathy

Empathizing with people requires a degree of trust. Therefore, it is incredibly important that we make a conscious effort to be honest. At this point in time, it is socially acceptable to lie about many things. We tell our stories and we laugh about many of the lies we have told. And, in fact, lying does require a degree of empathy because in order for a lie to be believable, you must be able to see things from the other person’s perspective. But, we need to take our empathy to the next level and also acknowledge that nobody enjoys being lied to.

There are many people, however, to claim they do enjoy being lied to when it comes to things like their appearance or the meal they made or other situations where their feelings are being protected. These little lies might give you some short-term benefit however in the long-term, they are harmful. They give us a false sense of ourselves. They protect us from being able to see ourselves as we really are which is imperfect. They protect us from being able to truly trust people. They protect us from striving to be the best we can be. If we are going to strive for excellence and be the best people we can be, it needs to begin with honesty.

Perfection is not something that can ever be achieved. People are always going to make mistakes. They are always going to fall short of perfection. That is human nature. Perfection is something that we should strive for but, at the same time, be understanding because it is not something that is attainable.

Constructive criticism is helpful. We must, however, “tread lightly” because people do not take very well to hearing anything negative about themselves even when it is approached with the most compassion. We do need however to accept the long-term benefits of honesty. For instance, if someone made a meal that does not taste very good and you compliment them on it, they will make that meal again rather than adjusting it and making it better. They may like you better for providing them with the compliment but you are not truly concerned about them and the long-term benefits that honesty will provide them.

Honesty requires understanding in many instances. We fall short in the realm of understanding many times. This is why people call in sick to work. Sometimes the expectations people hold of us are not achievable. We all have our own struggles. We all have our own problems. We cannot hold everyone to one standard. We all have been through our ups and our downs and some people’s struggles are greater than others. We need to acknowledge this. Holding one standard for everyone is not realistic. We need to be able to bend like the wind and if honesty is not the constant with everyone, we will never be able to expect others to understand when we are in our most trying times. We will forever be upheld to an unrealistic standard when we are going through our most difficult times. If honesty does not become the constant, we will never be able to bend with people like the “wind” because there is a lack of trust involved and suspicion and nobody wants to be made a fool of and taken advantage of.

We all want that “delicate balance” in our lives. That “delicate balance” begins with honesty. True compliments are just as important as constructive criticism. How often do we secretly admire something about someone and we don’t we share it with them. People love compliments. They love them. And, it is beneficial to them because if what they are doing is providing you with joy, you need to let them know because then they will continue doing what they are doing and it will provide more people with joy. Do not hold back on your compliments. Share them. Make some people happy.

In conclusion, in order to ever reach our true potential, honesty needs to be the focus. It is of course a difficult road to travel but it is the highest. Feelings may get hurt along the way, people may not be understanding along the way, it may feel sometimes like we are taking three steps back and one step forward but it is the path to long-term trust and happiness.

- Elizabeth Fink, July 29, 2009

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