It really hurt my feelings when....

We spend a lot of time trying to figure out what is wrong with people, labeling them, filing them away in our minds and discarding them. People should not be labeled as "this" or "that."

People have good behavior and they have bad behavior. Everybody does. We are human after all and imperfect. We can however start trying harder to work on our good behavior.

People have their feelings hurt all the time and the gut reaction is to get angry and start hurting their feelings right back. Then, the other person gets angry that their feelings were hurt and then they hurt your feelings right back. We need to break this cycle.

My solution? I would like the statement, “It really hurt my feelings when…” to start becoming a normal intelligent thing to say to people. It cuts the hurt feelings off at the source rather than have them continue on and on and back and forth.

Explaining your point of view rather than attacking the other person is always your best option. It certainly will not guarantee that they will listen to you but you are better off taking responsibility for your own behavior rather than continuing the cycle of hurt feelings. Explaining your point of view is also always better than stewing in your anger.

Some examples:

• It really hurt my feelings when you just cut me off the way you did. It showed a complete disregard for my well-being.


• It really hurt my feelings that you did not call me and let me know what was going on. I was worried about you and I would prefer to not spend my time worrying unnecessarily.


• It really hurt my feelings that you did not go to my daughter’s recital. It sent her a clear message that she’s not important to you.


• It really hurts my feelings that you continue to ignore me. I’m not sure what I did to cause you to be so upset with me. Can you please explain it to me so we can work this out?

More often than not, when you find yourself getting angry you can explain it in an, “it really hurt my feelings…” statement. Anger is a good thing. It is our fuel to work things out and make life better. How we direct our anger is the problem.

Anger gives life to new inventions and new ideas. If you use your anger wisely, it will start working for you rather than against you.