Why Do People Get Angry?

Why do people get angry? The answer is simple. It is because they are not getting what they want. This is reality. People are selfish by nature. This is what keeps us alive. We want things. We want many things. Food, water, shelter, luxury items as well as not so tangible things like being treated well, listened to, and cared for.

Therefore, when you find yourself “boiling up” ask yourself some questions:

• What do I want?
• Is what I want reasonable or ridiculous?
• How can I get what I want in a peaceful non-manipulative way without harming anyone and getting upset?
• Is what I want achievable?

It is important for children to learn to keep their selfishness in check otherwise they will become very angry adults when everyone is not “bending over backwards” for them.

Now, of course, in a perfect world people would be doing much more to cater to other people. However, this is not the world we live in. Instead we are living in a world where most expect others to be catering to them but don’t seem to think they need to be doing much catering to anyone else.

So, if you want to get a handle on anger, come to terms with the fact that people, yourself included, are selfish. Ask yourself the above questions and figure out what you want and whether it is reasonable or ridiculous, and achievable.

These exercises should help you become a much less angry person and much more driven person. It should also help you have a much better understanding of other people’s anger as well and how you can try and relinquish that anger.

If you have questions or comments about this article, please e-mail me at beth@empathylessons.com.

- Elizabeth Fink, December 26, 2008

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