Abortion: Can we reach a compromise?

Abortion is a very touchy subject.

Pro-lifers believe life begins at conception and ending that life is nothing less than murder. They make a good point.

Pro-choicers believe that women should have the decision “regarding their full range of reproductive choices, including preventing unintended pregnancy, bearing healthy children, and choosing legal abortion.” They make a good point.

I’m 39 and in speaking with my mother she has told me that during her young life when it was not legal some women were going “under the knife” in some dark secret place somewhere and thereby jeopardizing their lives in order to have one. Do we want to revisit those times?

However, on the other hand, being 39 and having grown up with abortion being socially acceptable, almost every girlfriend I have known has had at least one.

There are of course exceptions. I have one friend that really took a high moral road and gave two children up for adoption. I have another friend that decided to have her baby when she was in her early twenties only having known the father for a couple of months. She also really took a high moral road in her decision to have her child.

However, I don't think we have really reached our pinnacle "high moral road." We have become too complacent. We don't consider it as even a possibility that two adults can have the self-discipline and self-respect to develop a strong healthy relationship before embarking upon a sexual one. Building a relationship based on mutual respect, friendship and commitment before considering chancing bringing a child into the world.

The bottom line is, if all the parents find it rather comical to even consider their child “wait” until marriage, their child is going to find it rather comical also.

There is something lacking in the pro-life and pro-choice argument… compromise. I am very uncomfortable with the pro-lifers suggesting “you made your bed now lie in it.” I am also very uncomfortable with the pro-choicers suggesting… that abortion is not really killing anyone.

My compromise? Give every woman the right to one abortion. They would then be required to undergo rigorous counseling to understand the ramifications of their actions. They would learn the power of "no." They should be asked questions such as, "is the guy you had sex with someone that you trust? Is he someone that you can depend on?" Is he someone that you know will always be there for you? These are questions that every woman should be asking herself before embarking on a sexual relationship and chancing a child coming into the world.

It frightens me to think that one evening of irresponsibility could result in a lifetime of raising a child or choosing to “go under the knife” in some dark secret place. Additionally, I don't like the idea of women who have not yet learned to be responsible themselves having the responsibility of a child thrust upon them.

It also frightens me that abortion has become so socially acceptable that it is barely even considered irresponsible, it is considered a "mistake." Furthermore, there are women who have had several.... I think at the very least some "responsibility" counseling is in order.

The bottom line is people need to start striving to be more responsible in their decisions. We need to develop self-respect and believe in ourselves and know that we matter and that our actions affect others. We need to develop strong lasting relationships rather than seeking out the “quick fix.” By “quick fix” I mean having a sexual relationship before building an intimate one. Unfortunately, in this day and age, women all over the country are getting the message that "the sexier you are, the more important you are." This, of course, is going to result in more sex and more abortions. We are, of course, a very long road from the ideal building of perfect relationships and waiting until you are married scenario; therefore, in the meantime, do you think we can come to some sort of compromise on the abortion issue?

If you have questions or comments about this article, please share them with me at beth@empathylessons.com.

- Elizabeth Fink, September 8, 2008